So, you’re throwing the Halloween party to end all Halloween parties, and you need a midnight movie to seal the deal. Fear not, boys and ghouls, for your friendly neighborhood horror author (insert shameless plug for Trailer Park Trash & Vampires here) is on the case, and I have come to save the night. I consider myself an authority on scary films, and I know just what to do.
I propose that we consider your midnight movie to be the final guest that you’re inviting to this ghastly (but delightful) shindig of yours. After all, in a way the characters in the movie you choose are going to be hanging out with you and your friends. Actually, let’s look at this in a couple of ways. Let’s pick a character from each film we choose to be that picture’s representative at the party, and let us also ponder the merits of the movie.
You could run with that as a theme. “We’re watching Halloween at our party and we’ve got this Dr. Loomis theme to go along with it.” If you’re lucky, you’ll wind up watching Halloween with six or seven people dressed like Loomis in your living room. Maybe they’ll shout things like “He’s here, Michael’s here!” or “He’s come home, I’m telling you!”
Or you could throw an Exorcist party and have a mixed bag of priests and devil-possessed women. Be warned: you’ll have to dig deep to find enough priests to go around. Seriously, everyone dressed as Father Karras could join in on the whole “The power of Christ compels you” bit. That would be epic. One of your neighbors may even call the police.
Anyway, let’s look at our potential guest list and think about the different characters and pictures we could select. We’ll examine ten options. Let’s make sure that your Halloween party winds up being a total success. Who should we invite? What movie should you choose? We’re off and running.
Option #1
It has been said that there ain’t no party like a Roddy McDowall party, so we’re starting things out by sending Peter Vincent and Fright Night an invite.
Fright Night
Directed by Tom Holland
Release Date: August 2, 1985
The Scoop:
A vampire moves into a house in the suburbs. The curious teen next door spies on him and sees more than he bargained for, and a nifty little game of cat and mouse ensues. The boy recruits a struggling actor known for portraying a vampire killer to help him put this vampire down, and all bets are off. Fright Night is a cheeky movie with a mean streak. The remake was okay, but the original is a superb horror film.
Why would Peter Vincent be a hit at the party?
Dude’s a performer. He’ll be playing to the crowd in no time at all. Plus, he ‘s down on his luck. If you pony up twenty bucks, or maybe even if you just offer him a few drinks, he’ll probably come in costume.
Why should I pick this movie?
It’s a true gem. You’ll laugh, you’ll scream, you’ll marvel at Roddy McDowall’s performance. Fright Night is very entertaining.
Fear Factor:
Fright Night has a few jolts and it’s a wicked ride, but I doubt it will give you nightmares. It doesn’t exactly do for the suburbs what Jaws did for the beach.
Best Performance:
Chris Sarandon is fantastic as Jerry Dandridge, one of the most likable villains ever, but this is Roddy McDowall’s show. He steals every scene he’s in, and one of the genre’s most notable performers positively shines in a special role.
Chills vs. Chuckles
Fright Night serves up a nice blend of both. This is a fun flick that offers up several quality scares and a wealth of entertainment.
Option #2
Now, maybe vampires aren’t your thing. Maybe you prefer their hairy counterparts, the werewolves. Hey, maybe you’re just looking for someone with a tender touch to put on a nurse outfit and put everyone’s blood pressure on notice. I suggest we go for the real deal. Let’s invite Nurse Alex Price (Jenny Agutter) and An American Werewolf in London.
An American Werewolf in London
Directed by John Landis
Release Date: August 21, 1981
The Scoop:
Two Americans, David (David Naughton) and Jack (Griffin Dunne) are backpacking in Britain when they fail to stick to the road and are subsequently attacked by a werewolf. David survives, but his story is dismissed as rubbish. He begins a torrid romance with a nurse (Jenny Agutter as Alex Price) he meets in the hospital. However, our unlucky survivor is tormented by nightmares when he isn’t being visited by his dead friend. Jack assures David that he will become a werewolf when the moon is full and begs David to take his life. David thinks he’s losing his mind until it becomes all too clear that Jack is right. Will London survive?
Why would Alex Price be a hit at the party?
Well, I’m not saying that it’s easy to get into her panties, but showing up in the hospital with a few lacerations and ranting and raving about being a werewolf will do the trick.
Why should I pick this movie?
The pacing is great, the soundtrack is awesome, and no one will be bored. Some will love it, some will probably hate it, but nobody will say that it was dull.
Fear Factor:
The opening is a spooky bit and there are some good scares sprinkled throughout. It’s not one of those movies that you can’t stop dwelling on, but it will definitely make you jump at least once or twice.
Best Performance:
I’m going with Griffin Dunne here, but there’s a reason we didn’t invite him to the party. I don’t care how witty he is, no one wants to chill with a rotting corpse, and if they do, well, hopefully those aren’t the type of people you’re inviting to your party.
Chills vs. Chuckles
The mix of humor and fright works to tremendous effect here.
Option #3
Maybe you want a lovable madman on hand. Someone has to get drunk and tell raucous stories, right? Well, if that’s your plan, rest assured that I know just the guy for the job. Let’s make sure that Quint is in attendance when the clock strikes midnight. Put Jaws on the guest list.
Jaws
Directed by Steven Spielberg
Release Date: June 20, 1975
The Scoop:
Like you don’t know already. Come on, man! This is Jaws we’re talking about. This is the best movie of all time. What is there to say that hasn’t already been said? A Great White targets a quaint little town on the beach called Amity, and it’s up to the sheriff, an expert on sharks, and the craziest fisherman ever to save the town. The results are truly massive.
Full Disclosure: Jaws is easily my favorite movie of all time.
Why would Quint be a hit at the party?
Well, he’ll be hit or miss, that’s for sure. I think most everyone is going to enjoy hearing his stories, but he might get a bit abrasive with anyone present who has city hands.
Why should I pick this movie?
It’s Jaws. Next question.
Fear Factor:
It’s scary. The opening is grim, the attacks are realistic, and the whole premise is far more believable than typical genre fare. People still have second thoughts about swimming in the ocean as a result of this picture.
Best Performance:
It’s Robert Shaw, hands down. Hey, Roy Scheider is great as Brody and I love Richard Dreyfuss as Hooper, but Shaw owns the picture as Quint. There are few performances that would dare to stand against this magnificent turn for an actor who possessed incredible talent.
Chills vs. Chuckles
Yes, the opening is grim and the film is genuinely scary, but it’s a fine movie with an abundance of charm. There are laughs to be had, and few films have spawned half as many memorable lines.
Option #4
Maybe you’re just some horndog looking for eye candy for your big affair. Uh huh. There are a lot of you guys out there. Well, this one is easy. We’re inviting Trash from Return of the Living Dead. She is played by Linnea Quigley, and I promise you that she will get naked and dance on something before the party is over. That’s good enough for a spot on your guest list, right?
Return of the Living Dead
Directed by Dan O’Bannon
Release Date: August 16, 1985
The Scoop:
Zombies kill everybody. That’s about the sum of it. The cast of characters is likable and plucky enough to make it interesting, but everything goes down the tubes in this wickedly funny race to the finish. I can never applaud the witty dialogue and the timing that make this thing work to such a startling effect enough. This movie is an undeniable cult classic.
Why would Trash be a hit at the party?
Some people might say that Trash would be a hit (at least for a few minutes) at pretty much any party worth being at.
Why should I pick this movie?
Zombies are in. Bonus points: the punk soundtrack, the sick humor, and the gore are going to be nice additions to the fiendish brew that we’re serving up at your big Halloween party.
Fear Factor:
Parodies can be scary too. There are a few good shocks along the way.
Best Performance:
This is a true ensemble piece. I think my favorite parts belong to Miguel Nunez as Spider and Clu Galager as Burt, but everyone involved does a great job, and there are so many entertaining performances. Can I take a pass on this one?
Chills vs. Chuckles
My wife thinks I’m crazy, but I think this thing is a laugh riot from start to finish. Yeah, it’s dark humor, dark as hell, but it rarely fails to amuse me. I love this picture and I think it’s a great choice for your party.
Option #5
So, maybe you want a survivor type for your big party. Maybe you’re looking for somebody who can get down and dirty if the situation requires it, someone who is quick with the wisecracks and quicker with his fists. Or something like that. Allow me to make a case for Ash, one of the most beloved heroes in the history of film. Am I overselling? I don’t think so. Ash and the glorious descent into absurdity that is Evil Dead 2 are more than worthy of closing out your Halloween party.
Evil Dead 2
Directed by Sam Raimi
Release Date: March 13, 1987
The Scoop:
The Chin goes toe to toe with demonic forces at a tiny cabin nestled deep in the woods. Mayhem and mutilation are paired with physical humor and a passion for the zany. I’m a big fan of Sam Raimi’s work, and I’m being dead serious when I say that this may be his best movie. You can’t really ask for more from this type of picture.
Why would Ash be a hit at the party?
He’s a gifted storyteller. He lives in the moment. He will handle it if anything crazy happens. Ash is great.
Why should I pick this movie?
This movie was made with your 2012 Halloween party in mind. The deadites are coming, but don’t worry. It’s groovy.
Fear Factor:
This one might make you jump once or twice, but it’s not all that frightening. It’s too silly to be truly scary.
Best Performance:
Bruce Campbell steals movies when he’s doing cameos. This is his show from start to finish, and anyone who doesn’t understand The Chin’s appeal probably hasn’t seen this film. Either that or they’re seriously lame.
Chills vs. Chuckles:
You’ll laugh almost as much as the moose head perched on the wall.
Option #6
Sometimes the only keeping a good party from becoming a great party is the lack of a stoner. If you’re worried about that, we can set things right by inviting Marty Mikalski (Fran Kranz) from Cabin in the Woods.
Cabin in the Woods
Directed by Drew Goddard
Release Date: March 9, 2012
The Scoop:
This is the newest offering on this list, and it is one of the most inventive. It’s very hit or miss, but it’s guaranteed to provoke a response. A group consisting of your typical horror movie fare (a little too typical, as it turns out) head out to a cabin in the woods to party, and shit gets unhinged. Yet it’s not what you think, and the film never conceals the bizarre nature of the story being told. The opening stands as a strong indication that this is everything you’re looking for in this kind of film, and yet it is already turning everything on its head. Cabin in the Woods provides something new and unique, even if it is assembled from familiar parts.
Why would Marty be a hit at the party?
Marty packs a bong that masquerades as a thermos and a hell of a lot of weed. This one is a slam dunk.
Why should I pick this movie?
This is a love it or hate it affair that is going to inspire some conversation. I think it’s terrific and most of your peeps should have a great time with it.
Fear Factor:
There are some scares, but this is more of a comedy. Some will see it as a farce.
Best Performance:
I really liked Chris Hemsworth as the atypical jock, a character who becomes a typical jock for much of the movie. There’s a reason he was picked for Thor--dude has mad charisma. However, at the end of the day, it’s hard not to give Fran Kranz the nod here. He definitely had the best part to play, and I feel that he made the most of it.
Chills vs. Chuckles:
This one definitely offers up more in the way of chuckles. It manages to pack in several kills and an abundance of gore, but this is a comedy at heart. Either that, or I’m truly demented.
I see your point.
Where were we? Oh, right.
Option #7
What if you’re looking for someone dark and foreboding to set the mood? We need someone with presence, someone with serious charisma. Fuck it. Let’s put our money where our fangs are. Dial “D” for Dracula. I love Bela Lugosi and all, but you and I both know that we can’t lose if Gary Oldman shows up at your party. Let’s go with the Coppola version of everyone’s favorite vampire.
Bram Stoker’s Dracula
Directed by Francis Ford Coppola
Release Date: November 13, 1992
The Scoop:
Francis Ford Coppola is capable of creating spectacular motion pictures, and this is a fine example of just what he can do. I think this is a stirring recreation of one of the genre’s most believed stories. This is a fresh take that is very faithful to the book, though in many ways it does seek to expand upon Bram Stoker’s masterpiece. The most fearsome vampire of them all is dominant here, as he should be. The grand saga of the powerful vampire who sought to make London his own is captivating, surreal, and gripping. This is a wonderful film to enjoy during the spooky season.
Why would Dracula be a hit at the party?
He’s Dracula, for Prince Vlad’s sake! I think he’ll be a hit, but if he isn’t, he’ll just resort to mind control. Either way, everyone is going to think he was awesome and remember having a blast.
Why should I pick this movie?
It’s huge. Your party is going to have some serious flavor. I suggest taking a shot every time either Anthony Hopkins or Gary Oldman takes it to the limit and perhaps even beyond, but try not to succumb to alcohol poisoning.
Fear Factor:
It’s spooky at times, and it might offer up a jolt or two, but despite all the blood, sex, and death, I’ve always felt that Dracula is equal parts adventure and horror. It’s a rousing affair.
Best Performance:
Gary Oldman is fantastic as Dracula. He truly embraces the part, and every scene he is in is richer as a result. There are other performances of note, several of them actually, but none of them come close. Gary wins this one in a blowout.
Chills vs. Chuckles:
Chills, definitely chills, but then there aren’t a whole lot of chuckles to consider. This is a fine film, but it is very classical and serious in its approach. That’s a good thing.
Option #8
Are you looking for someone distinguished to upgrade your social status at your Halloween party? Let’s invite the season’s most notable shrink, the one and only Sam Loomis. He’s a doctor! Your mother is going to be so proud. Seriously, Dr. Loomis is a fantastic character who was brought to life by a remarkable actor, and Halloween has to be the perfect choice for your Halloween party, right?
Let’s do this!
Halloween
Directed by John Carpenter
Release Date: October 25, 1978
The Scoop:
Years after being locked away in an asylum for murdering his sister on Halloween when he was but a boy, Michael Myers escapes. He’s been planning a return trip to the little town of Haddonfield, but Dr. Loomis is hot on his trail. Oh, and here’s the good news: Michael is going to make it back just in time for Halloween!
Why would Dr. Loomis be a hit at the party?
He’s fascinated by madness and murder. Ask him about the nature of evil and see what happens. He’ll impress his audience and scare them to death at the same time. This is going to be great.
Why should I pick this movie?
Um, it’s your Halloween party and the movie isn’t just a genre classic, it’s a genre classic set on Halloween. Some say this picture represents John Carpenter’s finest hour. It’s called Halloween.
Fear Factor:
This is a frightening and suspenseful epic with wall-to-wall tension and an ominous score to stand alongside any ominous score.
Best Performance:
Jamie Lee Curtis was the original scream queen for a reason. Yeah, a babysitter isn’t going to impress your mom, so we’re sticking with Loomis as our guest of honor, but Curtis is incredible here.
Chills vs. Chuckles:
There are virtually no chuckles, and there are a lot of chills. Halloween still manages to stir up scares despite its age and a minimal budget. Some argue that it was the first big independent hit, and it clearly remains the only “slasher” film of merit.
Option #9
What if you’re truly searching for entertainment for your party? Yeah, I offered up Trash earlier, but maybe she’s a bit too... well, trashy, for some. I can see that. You’re looking for something similar, but you’re not completely looking to sacrifice your dignity to whatever dark spirits are on the prowl as Halloween draws closer. You need Cherry Darling. She’s a go-go dancer who has been known to cry upon the conclusion of her routine, and she’s packing some serious ammunition below the waistline, if you know what I mean. Cherry and Planet Terror are both ripe choices for a party you’ll tell your grand-children about one day.
Or maybe you won’t...
Planet Terror
Directed by Robert Rodriguez
Released Date: As part of Grindhouse on April 6, 2007
The Scoop:
A loving homage to grindhouse cinema, Planet Terror is a gleefully over-the-top mutant zombies on the rampage love story. Or something like that.
Why would Cherry be a hit at the party?
Cherry has got the goods. If she doesn’t dance, she might offer up a comedy routine for everyone to enjoy.
Why should I pick this movie?
It’s ridiculous in a fantastic way. The cast is top-notch, the material is bottom-shelf, and the end result is all good.
Fear Factor:
Planet Terror isn’t scary at all.
Best Performance:
I think Rose McGowan brings a certain gravity to the role of Cherry Darling, but she has serious competition. Josh Brolin is great, Marley Shelton rocks, Jeff Fahey and Michael Biehn are a real hoot, and Bruce Willis is on hand to emcee the party. I’ll give this one to Rose, but Planet Terror is another ensemble piece that benefits from a solid group effort.
Chills vs. Chuckles:
All chuckles, all the time. This move isn’t scary at all, but I’ll make up for that with my last suggestion.
Option #10
Maybe you’re one of those people who thinks that it isn’t really a party until a man of the cloth shows up. If you think that’s a bizarre statement, you’ve been doing it all wrong. Well, somebody has, anyway. It is Halloween, so maybe I’m not crazy for thinking that Father Karras and The Excorcist would be the right guests for the occasion. Honestly, how often do you get to scare the fuck out of all the people you like best?
The Exorcist
Directed by William Friedkin
Release Date: December 26, 1973
The Scoop:
Good vs. evil, that’s what this one boils down to. Evil is a malevolent spirit that has possessed an innocent young girl. Good is represented by the girl’s tormented mother and a pair of priests, one an elderly expert on exorcisms, the other a far younger man whose faith is crumbling.
Why would Father Karras be a hit at the party?
It’s not just that he’s very, very intense, but he’s also a really smart guy. In addition, he was a boxer in his youth, and just as his faith was failing him he went toe to toe with the devil in a championship exorcism. Surely he’s got a compelling yarn or two to spin.
Why should I pick this movie?
Because you’re sadistic. This movie is terrifying. Sure, your friends will go for it. It’s a Halloween party. Watching The Exorcist at midnight will probably sound like a great idea when you pitch it. They’ll think that it’s going to be fun. It isn’t fun, though, it’s The Exorcist. It’s maybe the best horror film of them all, and it’s scary as hell.
Fear Factor:
Hollywood will never produce another film of this stature that is just as willing to go to any length to unnerve the audience. Ellen Burstyn is the heart and soul of a picture that is commonly referred to as the scariest film ever. I wholeheartedly agree.
Best Performance:
Ellen Burstyn takes this one. She makes it so easy to step into actress Chris MacNeil’s shoes and join her on her woeful journey into fear. Maybe we should invite her to the party, but I’m scared that her daughter will piss on the carpet.
Chills vs. Chuckles:
Unfortunately, there are no chuckles to be found here. This is an exercise in fright.
Well, there you have it. I think there was a little something for everyone. I left so many fine performances and worthy films out in the cold. I imagine I’ll hear about that. That’s okay, I think those are fun conversations to have.
I hope you’ll find that one of these films and the guests who will accompany it are right for the occasion. Do make sure that you find time to celebrate the spooky season, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll pull off a Halloween party for the ages.
Stay scared, boys and ghouls!
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James Wayland is the author of Trailer Park Trash & Vampires as well as a lifelong fan of those movies your parents wouldn’t let you watch.