Last week, when I watched The Taint, a Richmond based B-Horror film, I realized how awesome my job with RVA Magazine is. Because of my position as a journalist, I was given an opportunity to speak with The Taint's director. Watching and discussing this film has been one of the more immediately bewildering, albeit enjoyable, assignments I've had here. It was bewildering because the film is cheaply made and ridiculous, and though it comes from Richmond, I had never heard of it before. It was enjoyable because its lewd nature and over-the-top violence and humor, elements that make B-Horror films so accessible. I guess it really depends on your sense of humor, though. My discussion with the director got me thinking about B movies in general, and why people are drawn to them. Campy, purposefully bad themes that only a schlockmeister would produce (think Tommy Wiseau's The Room) have become cool for the low-budget DIY approach. The people who tend to enjoy them don’t take them seriously.
B-Horror films usually feature enough self-awareness to render them satirically humorous, in that they poke fun of themselves. I like to think of them as not quite exploitation, but not quite art films either. What they are lies somewhere in between. Watching them leaves you only two options: either you will laugh, or you will suffer in your own negative pretensions. Campy movies seem especially popular with my generation--more are popularized every year and even make it on the big screen--and most of my peers seem to be on board with this movement. So whether you are drinking at home with a bunch of friends, or in the mood for criminally bad humor, this next installment of Netflix Nerdery is for you! Here are five of the most memorable B-Horror films on Netflix:
Birdemic: Shock and Terror
All out avian warfare against humanity! Sound familiar? It should. Alfred Hitchcock took a crack at it with 1963's The Birds, and made a terrifying movie where you could believe a bird attack was imminent. Birdemic, on the other hand, may be one of the most comically bad horror films I’ve seen. You know when a film has been graced with a title such as this one that you are in for something ridiculous. The plot is cliched: a sexy model Nathalie (Whitney Moore) and a software guru Rod (Alan Bagh) head to a motel for an afternoon tryst. They are soon attacked by a flock of savage exploding eagles and other birds of prey. This movie is GREAT. The special effects have a quality that only a software like Microsoft power point could produce. Every bird in the film is represented with the same graphic--a bird flapping its wings in front of an unmoving sky backdrop--and all make the horrible squawking sounds of a dozen seagulls mutilating one another. The sound doesn’t flow between cuts, the acting is dreadful, and to top it all off, the ending doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Please watch this as soon as possible. Friends and alcohol are recommended.
The Toxic Avenger
Released by Troma Entertainment, this satirical spoof tells the story of a geeky janitor named Melvin and a couple of meathead jock murderers who run other people over for pleasure. The jocks push a joke too far with Melvin, which leads to him falling out of a window into a truck filled with toxic sludge. The sludge transforms him into a markedly ugly superhero--The Toxic Avenger--who fights for justice at all costs. Every classic element of a B movie is represented in this cult hit. The violence is extreme, the sex is plentiful, and The Toxic Avenger is one badass mofo. A warning to the wise: this movie may cause a B-Horror overdose. Those of you who are neither easily offended nor nauseated by onscreen gore should check it out--you may just find a jewel in all this toxic waste.
The Evil Dead
It is both exciting and depressing that a remake of The Evil Dead was recently released. So far I have heard good things, but what made the original a cult classic--the cheesiness, the ridiculous special effects, BRUCE CAMPBELL--is lacking in the remake. You’ll be happy to hear the gore is in full effect, though. Considering the exorbitant budget the remake was given, I’m sure the original’s DIY energy has fizzled out--but as I still haven't actually seen it, I am just speculating. Where the original is concerned, everyone should know it by now, unless you have lived in a cave your whole life. But for you cave-dwellers, here’s the story: During a vacation at a remote cabin deep in the woods, a group of teens begins turning into flesh-eating zombies. Sam Raimi’s seminal DIY film has become one of the best known achievements in B movie history, and exposed the genre to a wider audience. So if you are into dismemberment, sawed-off shotguns, Bruce Campbell, and tree rape (you read correctly), then the original Evil Dead will quench your B movie horror film thirst.
Slither
This B-Horror monster romp pays homage and cracks jokes about the wave of graphically violent late 70’s/early 80’s horror, largely created by John Carpenter, David Cronenberg, and Wes Craven. This tongue and cheek pastiche is very worthy of its ambitions as a film. It is so hard to make these movies work--the production is often shitty, and the scripts are usually subpar. But this movie shines because of both the wonderful script and the great acting by relatively well-known actors like Gregg Henry, Michael Rooker, Elizabeth Banks, and of course the amazing Nathan Fillion. The result is creepy comedy gold. The story is simple (as it should be): a meteorite housing a malevolent alien parasite--which looks sort of like a squid--crashes into the town of Wheelsy, South Carolina. The parasite turns all who become infected with it into raving lunatics who all share one consciousness--that of the alien hellbent on destroying every planet in the universe. The language is vulgar, the actors are hilarious, and there's blood aplenty. This taut, smartly done science fiction/B-Horror monster comedy could easily have gone horribly wrong, but as it is, I highly recommend it.
Thankskilling
This movie is a slight deviation from the others on this list, in that it's just dreadful. Like, god-awful. The flashback scene that opens the film perfectly encapsulates what you are going to experience throughout. A hot, busty pilgrim is running from something. Her breasts are strangely exposed, and at some point during the chase she trips and turns around to see a AXE-WIELDING TURKEY. We learn that this turkey can also talk when he yells “nice tits, bitch,” before proceeding to execute her. The whole thing is pretty humorous, actually, but the funny parts cannot redeem the majority of the movie. The main plot concerns five college kids who, on their way home for the Thanksgiving holiday, run afoul of a homicidal turkey that wants them dead. Everything about this movie shouts B-Horror, but it just doesn't have that certain spark that makes other films in the genre work. The opening scene might be worth the effort to order this movie, but for the rest of it, you'll need a group of friends and plenty of alcohol to make it enjoyable. One final warning: Turkey rape is now a thing. Beware.