It is pointless to criticize a movie like Piranha 3D. Kitschy, hyper-violent creature features like this are meant to be comedies more than horror films. The filmmaking team clearly had set goals in mind: Have plenty of bloody violence, show a lot of breasts, pack in some funny cameo appearances from some old stars, and make as ridiculous a film as possible. They succeed on every point of the list. If you do not want to see the things on the list, or if you want anything else besides what is on the list, do not see this film.
The tone is set from the very beginning of the film, as one of the big cameos, Richard Dreyfuss, unofficially reprises his role from Jaws. After everything the poor guy went through, he decides to go fishing on a peaceful lake right when seismic activity opens an underwater cavern and releases thousands of prehistoric piranhas. After the piranhas finish their appetizer, they set out for the other side of the lake where 50,000 college kids have flocked for spring break.
Not to worry, though. This is not just a 90 minute massacre of nameless, faceless kids. We are introduced to a few characters. We meet Sheriff Julie Forester, played by Elizabeth Shue, who thought thousands of college kids in her town was more than enough to contend with. We also meet her son, Jake, who is supposed to stay home and babysit his younger siblings, but instead takes a once in a lifetime opportunity to work as local guide for a sleazy traveling pornographer. Jerry O’Connell steals the show as that pornographer, Derrick Jones, who is clearly and unapologetically based on Girls Gone Wild founder, Joe Francis. O’Connell seems like he had a ball making the movie and plays up all scum and sleaze in an over-the-top frenzy of hilarity. His character is also the impetus behind much of the female nudity in this movie, which is likely one of the main selling points for the film’s teen male target audience.
Everything pans out in the way one would expect. Sheriff Forester futilely attempts to save thousands of kids from even more thousands of chomping teeth, while Jake’s girlfriend get trapped below decks of Derrick Jones’ sinking yacht as piranha infested water slowly rises around her. It is up to Jake to swim through the swarm of carnivorous fish and reach his girlfriend through the hole in the bottom of the boat to get her to safety. He could just pull her to safety through the skylight on the ship deck, but it is stuck and Jake is unable to pry it open with a wooden paddle. Do not ask why Jake does not use the paddle to just break the skylight. Heroics are more exciting than common sense.
Overall, Piranha 3D acts as one of those mindless guilty pleasure films. You should not go out of your way to see it, but in the unlikely event that you ever just drive to a movie theater without checking showtimes and this movie is your only option upon arrival, go ahead a buy a ticket. You will see a film that could never be described as good, but can most certainly be described as fun.
A Note on 3D: At this point it should just be assumed that, unless stated otherwise, the 3D effects do nothing to improve the film. This has been the year of 3D following the innumerable success of Avatar released last December. Piranha 3D is another film, like Alice in Wonderland, Clash of the Titans, and The Last Airbender earlier this year, to shoot in 2D and convert to 3D later. The effect looks cheap and sloppy. It makes colors dim and motion blurry. It is not immersive, and it makes the picture look like several flat images layered overtop one another. It is too bad, in a movie that revels in its poor quality, the 3D and special effects may have been the only thing they really wanted to do well.